I'm Praying For You

“I’m praying for you”

If I had a nickel for each time I have heard this phrase in the last couple of years, well then I would have a lot of nickels. It’s a simple phrase packed with a truck full of well-meant thoughts and emotions. It’s a phrase that brings comfort to those hurting, and hope for those who are hopeless. It’s a simple way to convey “I want the best for you, and God wants the best for you, but there’s nothing I can do to help at this moment”.

Well the truth is there is rarely times that we are actually able to help as humans. Besides brotherly or sisterly advice for some scenarios, how often can we really act as a response to someone’s trials. Most situations such as death, sickness, relational problems, the person saying “I’m praying for you” has little to offer besides kind words and a cheesy chicken casserole. That’s not a bad thing though. Even from a secular viewpoint (who has their own version of this phrase, they just call it “sending positive thoughts/vibes”) this is considered a good response to trials.

But to be entirely honest, I grew tired of hearing “I’m praying for you”.

I am blessed with some amazingly caring family, friends, and church family. Even some people online that I’ll never meet have shown me such compassion and kindness. The lengths people have gone for me and my family recently is beyond words and a beautiful display of the Body of Christ. Fundraisers, housing, visits, food, and even an offer to drive 2,000 miles so we didn’t have to rent a car. Among all of these awesome gifts and blessings we received from so many, we covet the most elusive of all. The thing that we all want as humans and as Christians. The thing that so many people have to give, but only a few are offered it.

A shoulder.

After a few weeks into our trial we kind of got numb to “I’m praying for you” after hearing it well over a thousand times. We really appreciated what it meant in essence, but we wanted something else, something that was two way between us and the other party. We started to prefer “man, that sucks” and “my heart is breaking for you” and “when your daughter is sick, my daughter is sick” (all things we were actually told). We would prefer humanity. Humans, who are broken and hurting also, coming alongside us, whether physically or emotionally, and weeping with us. We didn’t have the energy to be strong at these points, but knowing others were feeling what we felt gave us the will to go on.

A beautiful example in Scripture of this is from Job 2:11-13.

“Now when Job's three friends heard of all this evil that had come upon him, they came each from his own place, Eliphaz the Temanite, Bildad the Shuhite, and Zophar the Naamathite. They made an appointment together to come to show him sympathy and comfort him. And when they saw him from a distance, they did not recognize him. And they raised their voices and wept, and they tore their robes and sprinkled dust on their heads toward heaven. And they sat with him on the ground seven days and seven nights, and no one spoke a word to him, for they saw that his suffering was very great.”

What a phenomenal representation of compassion and empathy. Job’s friends got on his level and wept with him. Raised voices, weeping, torn clothes, and seven days of silence. The utter display of humanity in this text is the way we should respond to the suffering of others.

Now I don’t want it to come across that saying “I’m praying for you” is a bad thing. It is not. It is declaring that you are going to the All Mighty Father and imploring Him to intervene. This is an unearthly request, that cannot be seen or felt immediately. However, for those who might not be speaking to God at the time or just need some brotherly or sisterly compassion, this phrase might not mean much to them.

What does mean a lot to someone in any situation, Christian or not, is getting on their level. Knowing that a friend is weeping alongside you is oddly comforting. I remember my wife getting a text from a friend saying that her and her family were “crying on the living room floor for us”. This is what I am talking about. Knowing that we, as imperfect people, are living life together.

So many times in Christian culture though we feel like we always need to be smiling as positive. We think that being sorrowful is a sign that we don’t trust God enough. This is an awful mindset to have. Even Jesus wept. God gave us emotions. We need to use them as Christians, every single one of them. If you brother is laughing, laugh with him. If you sister is crying, cry with her.

But no matter what you’re doing, point them back to Christ.